I apologize for how long this is. Bear with me before you call me stupid.
24F met a guy who is 25M. We met in a weird way. I was at a cafe with friends and he was with his friends and he wouldn't stop staring at me but then never came up to me. Flash forward a week later, my friend was on social media and found him because he # the coffee shop on social media and posted a picture.
I had a weird way of getting him to follow me. I didnt want to give the impression that he could think a girl is desperate so I just liked his post and that got him to immediately follow me on tik tok. He doesn't post on tik tok, he has like a couple pics and I think hes really just a fob for posting. I posted bc I'm in the beauty makeup world. This is all in March 2026.
He never liked my stuff, just watches my story til April. Randomly he swiped on my story with an emoji on my selfie. I thought it was funny but he did it by accident and blocked me, to which I asked my friend to message why he blocked me. It was random, definitely shows a tiny ounce of desperation maybe, but he took it well and we started talking from there (he unblocked me and messaged me). Now its April 2026 lol.
I met him, we had coffee, then 2 days later dinner, and I found out we're from the same country. He's a green card holder, came here in 2023. I am an American citizen. So you can imagine different lives, how we view things, but surprisingly we get along and we like each other. He was so sweet, always opening the door, paid, literally could not complain. We went on dates almost every week from April to May, but I felt like he was giving up just a little at mid to end of may and esp June. Mainly bc he offered to pick me up and drive us places but he assumes I have that luxury but I still live with my parents, I respect them, they let me go out, but he cannot just show up to my house. Also being from the same country, the values are still there except my parents are very much americanized in views and such. I would say lets go here, instead of me going in his car and driving 2 hours to some random location... It just didn't make sense to me. We live in a city suburb mix with so much..
On maybe the 4th or 5th date, he tried to kiss me and I told him no and he was surprised. I said because I would want to be in a relationship to kiss. Also to kind of ensure that he's not some guy just tryna get some action from a girl and he's actually dating for seriousness. I also said this because my previous experiences with my ex was not the best and there was sexual things that I did not like. I also have matured and I personally think this guy hasn't actually developed.
He's given me weird indications where we talked about sex but then he took it so many notches higher. Like at night, we called almost every night and theres so much to talk about but all he talks about is sex, what I'm going to do, "do you miss me?", and it was going on and on. I would say haha lets talk about something different. Or if I changed the convo, he would say you changed the convo and i would stay silent. He also always has a sexual joke. It almost has become where he doesn't know what to talk about or he's just using me. Like he only compliemnts how good I look. BTW I talk enough about topics and he goes back to "You're so beautiful".
At one point, we went on our 6th date and he tried to kiss me when i told him no and I got so upset. He was like okay sorry sorry...and I said its fine. But from that point was getting a stronger ick.
So eventually, we went on our 8-9th date. I did kiss him and it felt meh. Thats all I'll say.
From that point on...he started to make more sexual talk, like way more. And don't get me wrong I would never initiate. Probably once where we talked about it but it was always like giving him more and more. He says things like "yeah when we have sex you're going to love it" (BTw im a virgin and I said I'll only have sex when I'm married truly) and he's still going on about the day he's going to do it. He even made 2-3 times a joke about if i was asleep, its the "best"... I told him thats rape on the 3rd time he said it.
Now from these convo's, because of my previous experience, I keep telling him to stop and he gets upset. He thinks i made a big deal. Thats all our convo is. He can't talk about anything else. Its unfortunate. And he feels shame when I say he needs to stop. I;ve told him 3 times and he blames me that I made such a big deal.
In the time of dating, he's said things like "I'm the first and the last guy" and then says "I'll take you to italy" etc. Like thats why I am confused, not at peace, serious, etc. bc i dont know if he's out of his ass...? But then cares about me?
That was like 2-3 weeks ago. We went on another date, I didn't feel like kissing but he was really pulling me to him. And I said "I dont really want to kiss right now" and he was driving me back to my car. While driving he was upset, and he also tried taking me the wrong way about 2-3 times. Finally we got to my car, and I saw something on his phone, he unpinned my name from texts. And I was liek thats so weird to do that action. Maybe I overreacted I'll admit but what was worse was when I brought it up, he got upset that he slammed the door, started yelling, when he didn't comprehend what I said (like I'm a very logical thinker, I am an empath, I put myself in his shoes, I explain clearly what the statement is, and he'll respond back about something that happened hours ago and we're not even talking about that, nor was it even a topic lmfao). I started crying and leaving and yanked my wrist, arm, neck and head into a form of headlock and starts saying Sorry. I tried to stay calm. I've never been in this situation. He's saying forgive me really fast too. As if to quickly nip it in the bud. He also mentioned that I get upset and I was the one upset in the car and he didn't know why... he wrote it off as I'm the one who gets upset... lol after trying to kiss me.
I drove home and was pulled over by a cop. Everything was fine, it was just a random check and saw I was crying. I finally got home and he texts me the next day saying he fell asleep and slept so good. He knows he likes to rage bait and has done it before like purposefully interrupting me. He writes it off as "i just want to make you laugh and see you happy" but it doesn't work like that when he's disrespecting my boundaries.
He's done this before like early on- twice when he brought up sexual stuff, and I cried because I told him that he really doesn't understand my view. Its not that I can't handle it, trust me I can. But not knowing a guy and talking about it and then proceeding to guilt me or make it seem like I'm an issue when I really just don't want to talk about it, is insane.
In addition, he gets very angry. He admitted he gets angry and upset very fast. Example: over something really small like we had a pinterest board and something happened to it. He quickly goes "You liar" aggressively...I was like buddy its not a big deal calm down. Btw this pinterest board was between us where it was cute like cars, travel, and he made it so explicity all about sex and quotes and my insides/guts felt disturbed like strongly.
He also always makes fun which I don't like about how I get nervous, anxious, worried, and I truly believe because my body is not comfortable. I thought it was because of my ex or some trauma or never being with someone else in the last 2 years or something, but it truly it because as a woman, I don't feel safe. At night, I've had dreams of him putting needles in me, backstabbing, cheating. Its so weird. But then I like him lmfao.
He has other bad habits like he cusses a lot as well which is a turn off. He also will be talking to me and go to instagram (its happened not often but it showed me that he is on there when I've sent him a message or texted and never responds..its been like that sooo often and he blames it that hes "iliterate" and slow).
So you'll ask what attracted me? He was kind, when he talks serious i like it. He doesn't like that I'm too serious but he's very loose. I am looking for a man and thats why I'm dating. Not like him where he says "I go with the flow".
I had a conversation with him a couple days ago after the incident, I had to wear a brace. And I told him that this is too much and I like him but I'm hurt. When I express myself, I have never had a guy back talk and saying things where theres back and forth. In my previous engagements, a man will speak calmly, accept his losses, or have calmness to converse and understand a woman. Instead he gets erratic, saying "i dont hear myself" when I'm talking calmly, expressing how i feel like how my chest hurts in a calm manner. He also says "relationships is not a business" im like buddy, it is a strategic partnership if you're a grown man. I truly believe a man has to give woman peace in order for her to feel comfortable. My body feels like its at war and nervous and its not healthy.
So we talked, I told him that I like him but genuinely if he's a man and wants me, a man will change if he wants and cares for a woman. If he doesn't want me, he should say it to my face. He said he cant because he doesn't have the courage. Instead, he brings up "what will happen in a year if we're upset like this and going back and forth" and I responded "what if anything what if I die tomorrow" Lol -which is a cop out and he's throwing it on me to let him off, and I told him to just be a man and say it which he did not. He said, "if I'm causing you this much pain, I'm stupid and I'm not a man and I need to learn" and i guess when he says it like that, the seriousness, I'm like okay, fine like i really could just walk away. He then said "bear with me" lets keep going.
I dont know why I should keep going? He said to me "theres nothing wrong with you, you're amazing, I have never met a girl like you, it makes me emotional when I see you, when you cry and I made you cry, it hurts me".
TLDR: Literally what do I do, I'm sorry I'm confused and I apologies how long this is.
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