One of my best friends (29F) has been tormented by her boyfriend's (30M) ex girlfriend (unknown age, female). He's told her to stop, he's repeatedly blocked her and not responded to multiple of her last attempts to connect with him. But his ex has gone to freakish lengths. She's made cryptic indirect posts about him for years. She's made different numbers. To this day, we still don't know how she got my best friend's number to harass her and insult her body. For objective speculation, my friend is beyond conventionally attractive. And crazy ex girlfriend is certainly not unattractive but apparently there are comparisons to be made. This shit makes me shudder.
I'm not gunna lie, I think my best friend's boyfriend had major maturing to do when he started talking to my friend. He'd still have scattered online interactions with the crazy ex here and there while he was in the beginning stages of dating my friend, and that's on him. He stopped around the time he became "official" with my friend. But in my eyes, that doesn't make this ex girlfriend any less crazy, and it doesn't make her actions seem any less depraved.
But I've dealt with something similar in a couple old relationships of my own. One dude, J, had his random ex hit him up months into me dating him. She was from a couple years ago. Another dude P, had some old confusing, boundary-defying situationship-friendship hybrid start wanting to talk to him more frequently once him & I became a thing.
I understand that obsession over your ex can be rooted in a deep sense of lacking in one's life. Where someone feels that they really lack things in their own life and they don't realize that they can only fill that void themselves... if they ever realize it's their own responsibility and decide that they want to. I know that a lot of it is people who lack internal self-value...the moment their ex doesn't seem to want them anymore, or at least be all "messed up" about them because their dating someone else...all of a sudden the ex becomes an objectified muse again. A sex god. A booktok main character. The forbidden boy next door type shit.
I think a part of obsession that particularly freaks me out is this "you belong with me" type of delusion that some people can get when they become obsessed. Like... "our union has been written into the stars by the gods and we're meant to be together under all circumstances." Frankly, I think there's a dangerous thin line with that line of thinking, and someone can easily go from just being romantically intense to mentally unwell and split from reality. Like. Am I kinda spiritual? Yah. Do I believe in something bigger than myself? Yah. Do I have some sort of mystical feelings surrounding my view of love in general? I guess. I'm in love with my dude, I'd joke about him being "an angel" when I first met him- but I don't have this weird like..."timeless blood contract" attitude in my mind. He's not meant to be with me unless he creates that meaning for himself; and I feel the same way mutually. Like girl...he is not choosing you. Therefore, you're literally not "meant to be with him."
But from the outside, I still can't understand and I never will. You will never convince me that people who derive joy or validation from pursuing taken people are internally fulfilled. Never. They can claim they're "happy" all they want- sure, maybe this pursuit brings your life dopamine and excitement, and you have much success- but you're not fulfilled. These people have no real sense of purpose. You already had your chance with the guy. Let someone else have their chance. You're pissing me off way more than you've pissed off my friend. I don't know if I believe in witchcraft but maybe I'm going to put protection spells on my friend that will involve you sharting if you keep crossing her.
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