This might be a little weird, but maybe y’all have some advice for me. I REALLY struggle with being parasocial, especially in the dating game. Now when I say parasocial, I don’t mean I’m like stalking people or pushing boundaries at all by any means!! I would never do something to be harmful or make anyone uncomfortable. It’s more so, I’ll meet someone cute (or maybe match with someone and not even meet them yet) and be SO fascinated by them that I can’t focus on anything or anyone else. It makes me feel so fucking stupid tbh. I’m a 27F and I’ve been told that I’m very attractive and tend to get a decent amount of attention, but I always feel like I’m head over heels for people that won’t give me the time or are “out of my league”. My friends think that I’m being too hard on myself and that I’m not actually parasocial and I’m more of just a “I know what I like.” Tbh I disagree with them. Although I mean no harm, I feel like I do latch on quickly to one person and it’s like a one train thought? I’m not sure why I’m like this, but this parasocial vibe that I’ve been having is starting to affect my self esteem and honestly my dating life too. For example,
I’ve been kind of following a band on tour, been to a few shows during the tour and have one more show I’m flying for. Haven’t been to all of the shows, just about 4-5. I’ve definitely been getting a decent amount of attention because I’ve been upfront for every show I’ve been to. Getting picks, setlists, drumsticks, etc. It’s been a really fun experience. One of the opening bands has this bass player… if I’m being honest, I can’t stop EYEING him. He’s so attractive, talented and honestly so captivating on stage. I didn’t know this band well before the tour, but tbh now that I’ve seen them I really dig their stuff. So this bass player… the first show I saw them at on the tour, he was definitely making eye contact and smiling at me. Someone standing by me in the crowd said something like “oh he’s digging you” to me. At the end of the set he ripped the setlist off stage and walked to me at the barricade and gave me the setlist and his personalized pick. Didn’t just toss it, came and handed it to me. I thought it was sweet and he was cute but like that’s it. Nothing more. I was appreciative. About a week later was the next show, I was still in the front row on the opposite side of the stage. When their band was done their guitar player gave me a pick and then the bass player walked over to my side of the stage and handed me another pick and setlist. I’m not sure if he recognized me or was just being nice. A few hours go by and I’m outside the venue at the end of the show and I ended up accidentally running into the guitar player and the bass player!! Funny enough right before that, a man was making me uncomfortable so I felt weird and was in the midst of escaping weird man and that’s when my friend and I ran into them. When I tell you, I was SO nervous. They were both really sweet guys, but I could tell I was favoring the bass player when it came to eye contact and whatnot. I don’t remember much of the conversation tbh. I was so nervous lol. I do remember telling them that they did amazing and that I appreciated the setlists at the shows. I’m so dumb I do remember that I didn’t even tell them my freaking name. They were both SUPER sweet though and the bass player even set down all of the stuff he was holding to take a picture with me. I told them that I’d see them at another show and he said “I’ll see you there”. Nice interaction. Like I said I don’t remember much of it, but by their body language they were happy to meet us for sure. My friend and I decided last minute to catch their show the night after the meeting. Originally we were not going to a show until August, but YOLO. We went out the next night to their show. Stood on the bass players side of the stage. This show I didn’t get any gifts from stage (no big deal) but I made eye contact with the bass players side and he smiled and waved and gave the “oh shit hey I’m so excited to see you, I remember you” look. That was it. Show was great, drove home. The next show is in about two weeks and that’s the last one that we are going to, at least I think.
Now I guess where I’m struggling is I’m home now and if I’m being so honest I CAN NOT stop thinking about this man. Like all day for days I’m just in “awwww he’s so cute” “awww I want to get to know him” etc. Like when I first saw him it was almost like one of those fairytale moments (I know that sounds so dumb). Like I am just in awe of him and SO attracted to him. This is where my problem is, I feel crazy because I don’t even know this person, but I just feel such a strong pull to him. I am so intrigued by him and want to get to know him. Any of my friends who I’ve talked to about this seem to think I can just get his number and go out with him? And they don’t see it as a problem? Not that finding someone attractive is a problem, but I’m starting to feel overwhelmed with myself because I feel kind of parasocial? I’m not sure if that makes sense. I did reach out to him on IG (just a very normal message like “Hey it was nice meeting you can’t wait to catch you at more shows) but he obviously didn’t see it or respond lol. The worst he can do is say no or not respond.
I guess why I’m writing this is to ask for advicem? Has anyone been in the same boat? Does anyone know how to get out of this headspace? Am I crazy lol?
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