I’ve been dating this guy for 4 months. I love his personality. He can be really charming and funny. We talk a lot and agree on most things. He’s very attentive and a great communicator when he wants to be but we get into horrible arguments. Sometimes it’s when we’re drinking but also sometimes when we’re not. He drinks every night of the week at least 3-4 bourbons. Drinking has been an issue with us and I’ve stopped drinking with him as much because I don’t drink that often and I’m a lightweight. Also if I drink and fight with him I’ve noticed he tells me things happened that didn’t because I can remember. Our arguments are mostly him bitching me out and telling me I’m not a good woman, I’m a bitch, etc just him berating me until I get pissed enough to say mean things back. He’s gets angry if any men send me messages on instagram- even if it’s just Merry Christmas and I’ve known them 20 years. I used to go to meetup events with a friend of mine just to get out and try to make more friends. He would constantly tell me Im not a high value woman and I’m only going to meet guys (it’s mixed men and women) “yo and all the men in your life”. He has been physical on a few occasions (slapped me in the face, pushed me) but I wasn’t injured and he didn’t hit me with full force - he’s a big guy. I also slapped him when he tried grabbing me after the whole fight. Things have been a bit crazy in this relationship which I’m not used to so maybe I have been cautious with taking things to the next level. He’s been saying he wants to marry me and asking me to move in since the 2nd mo of dating but I’ve been putting it off a bit to see if the fighting gets better. Yesterday we had a party and he was yelling at me before it because he didn’t think I could finish setting everything up and didn’t help with any of it even though he said he would. Telling me I’m not a real a woman or I would know how to set things up and would just do it all for him, I’m useless to him, etc. we had our party and things went good. His neighbors came over - just knocked and invited themselves. He doesn’t like them we don’t hang out with them. They got locked out of their apt a few weeks back and came over here spent all night being friendly/entertaining them and yes flirting with the girl last time too because her fiancé left and she came back alone . Afterwards he denied flirting and said she’s crazy. Well last night we had more fights after the party ended same tone. Him telling me his sister said he should break up with me and I was horrible during the party (I wasn’t but I was nice to the neighbor and took photos with her and my other friend) Well the neighbor girl was with her fiancé but then she took off on her own somewhere and didn’t say where she was going the fiancé had me talk to her on the phone and I also wanted to make sure she was safe because she had been drinking. Long story short my night ended with this woman basically throwing herself at me and my bf after my bf spent a couple hours flirting with her. I don’t participate in the conversations nor did he try to include. Asking her about hottest sexual experiences, values, what they are both looking for in a relationship right in front of me, while I was just laying on the couch.(trying to rest because I had to work today) then she takes off her clothes to which he doesn’t do or say anything. Just what are you doing. He just continues staring at her and flirting. She even went n the room when I did and offered to have a threesome then hopped into bed with me naked and tried to get me to get with her. Then they went back to the kitchen, clothes back on standing with their faces 6 inches apart talking. Then I told them to just kiss already because I was already pissed and they had been going on forever to which he replied I don’t want to kiss her but I’d fuck her. They continue talking about relationships. He tells her something about a sexual experience and I just heard him say I can’t talk about that in front of her (me) And a bit later she takes off her closes again and he tells me dont you want to suck on it (her nipples) and then follows her to the room and I said just fuck her then and basically said I’m done with all of this. He kept asking if he should while standing at the door looking at her in the bed. He then said oh no I can’t cuz you’ll give me shit later (who wouldn’t?!) She went home a little while after because I told her and he did to just go home. Then by he says a little bit later while we’re fighting “should I go bring her back” goes to her apt and brings her back. The flirtatious banter continues he puts on music and they start play boxing around the living room. He did say a few times during the flirting that he loves me and wants me but I don’t feel like his actions line up with that. And he apologized but also is telling me he did nothing wrong and I Should have beaten her up and made her - if I was a real woman I would have. I’m curious to know from men. If this happened to you how would you handle the situation? Is it too much that I would expect him to ask her to leave. I eventually just went home and left them there. Pretty sure nothing happened but it’s possible it did. Is this even something I can move on from? Coupled with the fighting and slapping I’m just thinking it’s not. He’s also saying it only happened because I was so nice to her. Just wanting some other opinions. Also I know maybe I should haven’t told him to kiss and fuck and get it over with and that I was done but I was really hurt and felt completely disrespected.
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