Brief background, I (f late 20s) got out of a very controlling/abusive long term (years) relationship about a year and some months ago. I’ve been dating but casually. This is the first relationship I see potential with for something long term/deeper. In other words I really care.
I have been dating him (m early 30s) regularly, once to twice a week, since around Thanksgiving. It’s amazing. We get on great, laugh a lot, and have a lot of random things in common. Several weeks ago though he mentioned, nonchalant through text convo, he had a job interview in another state. I said I’d be sad if he left but still wished him luck. We talked a bit more and he said he liked where we were going if he stayed but if not neither of us wants a long distance thing. We agreed to be friends if he left and I haven’t brought it up since. I resolved myself to just enjoy time with him because if I just worried if he might or might not move then I wasn’t really focusing on being with him now. And it wouldn’t do any good to stew on it anyways.
He has brought it up in passing a few times though. Talking about if he moves he’ll do this or that. It’s hard not to think about it when he does that and I don’t know what to do in the situation. So far I’ve been supportive, because I genuinely want to be, but I’ve also pretended it doesn’t make me upset at all to think about. Is that the right thing to do? Should I tell him once what I really feel, that I don’t want him to go but he should do what’s best for him and I won’t hold it against him or anything if he does go? Or would that come off as me trying to pressure him to stay, which I definitely don’t want to do. I just don’t want him to think I’m not invested in him or that I’m not that interested in a relationship with him.
Also, as far as moving the relationship forward. We are exclusive but I only know this because of indirect conversation. He has said he moves slower then most so I’ve been careful not to accidentally push him into anything. This moving slower thing came up after I’d hinted at staying the night at his place a few weeks back and he apologized saying he wasn’t there quite yet. I was fine with it and appreciated the honesty. I would like him to join me with the small group of friends I go out with for a beer once a week but I’m not sure if I should ask or not yet. Should I just go for it? Or given the potential move should I not even be trying to take those steps to begin with? Also, is it at the point (about 3 months in) where I should discuss stuff with him or just keep taking it as it goes and enjoying myself?
He has made it really clear he likes me and sees potential with me too. So I’m not concerned about where we are together, if that makes sense. I just want to show interest in moving the relationship forward but not make him feel like I’m trying to force anything. The possible move just adds extra complication.
Tl;dr I really like a guy who I’ve been dating for about 3 months but he might be moving states for a job and I’m not sure if I should tell him how I feel about that or leave it. He also moves slower then some guys and I want to show interest in moving us forward without forcing him into things he isn’t comfortable with yet.
EDIT: I don’t even know for sure yet if I could see this long term. I just know I see the potential and I’d hate to not have at least another month, or few months depending, to see where things go. All I know is the guy makes me really happy.
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