Honestly, not a single day goes by where i don't have several inner dialouges with myself in my head about "what i'm doing wrong", "why doesn't she want to give me a chance?" and "am i going to die alone?" etc. I'm constantly depressing myself and bringing myself down, causing some serious mood-swings in my everyday life. I'm 27 years old now, still never had a relationship, and i've been trying really hard these last 4 years to achieve that. I've been on many dates, and i've attempted to date several women, but every time they eventually ghost me or friendzone me. Never have I, myself, been the one who ended things with a girl. I've always pushed myself back on the horse to try again, but i'm starting to feel like i'm just cursed, and that there is something wrong with me that i can't see for myself. I have a solid job, apartment, car, lots of friends, and i know that i'm not ugly. I have often been complimented by both girls and guys that i look good, and considering i've dated several girls that have wanted to see me for more dates, i think i can rule out "being too ugly" as a reason for my failures. Most often i don't get a "true" reason when the girl stops dating me. It's usually just "i like you just as a friend i think", or "i just don't see us having a future", which are all just generic bullshit excuses from the real truth, and it makes me paranoid. I learned from a friend that i'm actually starting to seem like a "fuckboy", because i am seen with different girls quite often, which i don't know if i find hilarious or severely depressing. I couldn't be more opposite from that term. Why won't someone at least give me a chance? I see people entering and exiting relationships all the time around me. I honestly think i would feel better if i had at least been in a relationship one time, because then i would at least know that someone had at one point actually desired me enough to enter into one.
The main reason for me to rant right now is that i went and got my hopes up again, but i'm feeling pretty sure that i am on a one-way road to getting ditched again soon. I hooked up with a girl from a bar, and i thought it would only be a one-time thing, but for around a month now we have been sleeping together every weekend after drinking. I've wanted to meet her sober as i've started to like her, and she always answers positively, yet is always busy. I know from experience that if you actually like someone, you will always find time to meet that person. Yet, she called me last friday to come over to her place after we met at the bar, so there's got to be some attraction from her, but she only seems to want to sleep with me when she's drunk. I invited her over for food on sunday, but she couldn't because of work, and i told her to let me know when she was free this week. She hasn't proposed anything as of yet, and i doubt she will. I can just sense it. She would be more excited if she was actually interested. I don't know why, but this one just hit me really hard for some reason, and i can't stop focusing on it. I keep imagining she's probably fucking some other dude already while dragging me along on the backburner and it depresses me.
I talked to a good friend of mine about this, and she suggested that i took a break from dating in general, and rather focused on other aspects of my life. The problem is that i really have tried to do that. I've focused on work, i've made new friends, i've been working out consistently, i've been joining social events, etc. It doesn't matter, the yearn for company will always be there when i get home. I really don't want to "take a break from dating" either. God damnit, i'm entering my late 20's, why would i stop trying to find love now? That's why i've always been getting back on that horse. But right now it just feels so hopeless, and my mood is just in a constant swing from it. What can i do?
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