Hello all, looking for some advice here.
21F and I live at home and commute to school to avoid student loans, but my classes are all online for the semester and again next semester as well. I have been on Hinge, Tinder and Bumble for 2 years now since getting over a brief high school break up... But I've had no luck finding anyone since. I've been on some dates, and flirted and talked to a few guys, but I have not been able to connect with anyone I felt was compatible. I go to the gym, I eat healthy, I am a tall and lean college athlete, I am frugal with my finances and I am set to graduate debt free with a high GPA and ready to put a downpayment on a house to begin building assets. I have worked straight through college, I have graduate school plans and travel plans. I am a real estate agent and currently pursuing other career opportunities in the business arena, and set to do some modeling this year as well. I know guys don't care about this type of career stuff in women but I wanted to give some context to my personality and current life situation.
I have been called an intense person and many guys have told me that I look intimidating and that I'm too independent for a man. I'm also excessively complimented by these same people, and I feel like guys do not take me seriously because of my looks. I am called derogatory names and the guys I start talking with tend to get sexual very fast without even getting to know me and do not want to do more than casually date and hookup. I feel like the guys my age sense that I do not "put out" like that and give up pursuing me at all, or they put me on a pedestal because of my looks and achievements. This hurts because I've had guys say "I don't even know why you're talking to me, you're way out of my league" which is very unattractive and feels insulting when they put in less effort. This has caused me to get a lot better with my boundaries and know exactly the qualities I am looking for. But I am incredibly lonely and I have been for quite some time. I never wanted to build an empire alone. I crave romantic companionship and having a husband and healthy family one day is one of my biggest dreams.
The truth is, I've been ghosted a lot by guys I liked. My high school ex boyfriend ghosted me for someone years younger than I after we had a falling out. Other guys I have gotten close with have revealed red flags that were unpalatable in the context of building a relationship. I do not participate in one night stands or hookups, I am seeking a life partner and a committed relationship. I think I intimidate and scare men away but I am not sure how to change this, or how to put myself in front of more compatible and relationship-oriented, family-oriented men. I am very traditional the way I approach relationships, I do not think my standards are out of control, as I hold myself to the same standards that I search for in a partner. I am worried that I will never meet someone again, as dating apps are not very useful at all for me.
Any insights would be much appreciated as I have not been able to talk to anyone about my situation other than my sister. It's rather embarrassing for me to talk about with some of my friends who jump into relationships and connect very easily. They are still with their high school boyfriends or met their current boyfriends in college. My opportunities to meet compatible partners have felt very limited due to my lack of a college experience at a commuter school and living at home with my parents in my hometown. I wish I could have gone away to college, but financially 120k in loans was not in the cards for me. My current school gave me a full tuition merit scholarship to attend so the financial choice was made for me.
How do I improve my situation? Any general advice for meeting guys despite these current barriers? I am open to hearing the hard and painful truth. Thank you to anyone who reads this in advance.
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