Seems like every time my crush doesn’t like me back or I fail to work up the balls to ask someone out or any other kind of minor hiccup, I suddenly get flooded with self hatred an nihilism. For weeks on end I can think nothing but that I’m the most vile detestable putrid abomination oh human filth there ever existed, and no one, never mind someone I’d like, will ever look at me with anything but the strongest disgust and contempt imaginable . If I ever want my life to be anything but complete and total agony and dispair I should go ahead an castrate myself and go live in the woods somewhere as a hermit, that I might not subject innocent bystanders to the sight of me. Happens ever time. No idea why. No childhood trauma I can associate it with. I’m hardly even exaggerating it’s that bad.
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