Hi,
I’ll start off by clarifying and giving a little bit of context. I’ll try to keep this short and sweet. I’m 24 and I’ve never been in a relationship. I don’t casually date because short term commitment isn’t something I’m looking for. Naturally since I haven’t found “my person” yet I haven’t had sex before. My experience is pretty minimal and yes by choice haha well not exactly I take life as it come and love just hasn’t I suppose.
I’ve been speaking to a guy online for a while. We sort of know of each other so I thought it’d be nice to not be lonely this lockdown. When we started speaking it was clear our personalities matched and from there built a friendship for the last 5months.
I’ll admit going into the I knew we got on as people but I was viewing it from a platonic point of view. The conversation never really ended just move from app to app. The day before yesterday he changed the tone of the conversation and I went with it. We’ve built a bond as friends and frankly I didn’t mind exploring what could come romantically.
Anyway the conversation continued and the subject naturally changed. We were able to speak just as we were before. This was up until 30mins ago. He kept bringing up details of our previous conversation but I wasn’t receptive. I think he took the hint and the conversation continued.
I went about my day and had planned to respond to him later on after I finished all of my errands. I was busy today and he knew. Out of the blue he sent me a video on Snapchat. I opened it expecting a funny video or an inside joke or something.
What I received has left me borderline traumatised. He sent me a video of himself masturbating and literally getting off. I feel violated mainly because he took that experience away from me. I feel completely disrespected but what I don’t understand is why I feel cold. I think that’s the best way I can describe it, I feel like he used me without asking. This feeling is slightly making me sick. I don’t know what it is, I’ve never been sent anything of the sort and I’m horrified.
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