She realized she was fully straight after all this time

Hi everyone,

So I (30/F) have this close friend/band mate (F/25)We have met about two years ago. We first met by me seeing her through a mutual friends FB and I decided to message her because I wanted to know her and was interested.

We ended going on a date for 6 hours, talking all night. We never went on a second date because she stopped answering and went back with her ex BF. Not long after I also went back with my ex.

We didn’t talk for 3-4 months but reconnected after, sending each other memes and stuff. We started hanging out a lot after shows (we are both musicians) and kissing and getting close.

The pandemic started so we were on lockdown for a few months. She ended up going out with someone else. We continued talking and just saw her as a friend.

We then grew incredibly close and she broke up with her BF because he was very mean to her. We ended up starting a music project together and spending a lot of time together.

We ended up getting very physical, kissing, cuddling, sleep overs, etc. Ended up having sex twice with her.

A few months ago we talked about what we “were” she said she didn’t want a relationship with anyone now and wasn’t sure if she really liked women (since she was always curious and had an attraction to women and claimed to be bisexual) I asked her if she said if she actually thinks that she never sees herself with me in a relationship? She said that she couldn’t say that she couldn’t say that she never sees herself with me. She knows that I do feel something special for her.

We proceeded spending time and being physical and then we had a second lockdown and she had exams in university so we didn’t see each other in a few weeks.

A few nights ago she sent me a very long text saying that before we hangout/and practice music, she needed to tell me that she did a lot of thinking and realized that she is definitely 100% straight. That it’s not me but that she is just sure that she doesn’t want to be with a woman and that she is glad that she got to experience that with me but needed me to know but didn’t want to hurt me.

I was very hurt reading that. Basically telling me that she doesn’t want to be with me. I cried all night thinking about it.

I answered her the next day saying I still want to do music together but I am hurt. We are supposed to be getting together to write together but told me if I need time she understands. I told her I’d let her know how I feel.

We have this incredibly strong connection that I’ve never felt before in any of the girls I have ever dated before. It kills me to think that all those kisses, nights spend cuddling, holding hands, being extremely intimate, talking and writing music together all meant nothing to her. That’s what kills me.I guess in her eyes all this was just a “try out”.

I know I should’ve kept my guard up knowing that she didn’t want a relationship currently with anyone and that I was the first woman she was with which was a recipe for disaster for my heart. I am hurt.

How to proceed? What do you guys think? I still want to do music and enjoy her company but am hurt and angry. I’m not holding my breath, but do you guys think that there is any chance at all that she may realize any feelings for me?

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