Someone shared this interesting piece of advice with me a couple years ago:
Let’s say you have a “health” scale from 0-100. “Health” refers to mainly mental health and overall well-being. 0 is pretty much dead, and 100 is perfect (which realistically nobody is).
Let’s say you’re a “65” on the scale. You’re responsible, kind to others, and stay true to your values. You’ve got some great stuff going for you. But maybe you need to work a little bit more on that self-esteem or that quick temper. You will usually only attract people that are as “healthy” as an “85,” but YOU will not be attracted to anyone below a “45.”
Here’s an example with context:
Guy and girl plan to go on a date. Guy is about a “70” and girl is a “30.” On the way to pick her up, guy gets a flat tire, no spare, and realize he forgot his phone at home. Girl thinks she is stood up, blows up his phone, and get furious. She spends the rest of the night getting blitzed. After a long night, guy finally gets home and calls girl to tell her what happened. He barely gets a word out before she starts screaming at him about how upset she is and how he’s a no-good, rotten asshole. Now, guy isn’t even interested in someone who had that sort of reaction and emotion regulation.
Now, imagine the same scenario but both girl and guy are about a “70.” Girl thinks she’s been stood up and is understandably upset. Maybe she calls a friend to vent or does something fun by herself to get her mind off it. She considers other possibilities, and she tells herself, “Well, if he did stand me up, he’s not the kind of guy I’m looking for any way and I know I’m worth more than that.” Guy finally gets home and calls her. She’s upset at first, but after listening to his explanation, she tries to make sure he’s okay. The guy is relieved that she is understanding. They reschedule and stay up late having a good phone conversation.
Obviously, it’s an analogy and not a perfect science, because human beings are grey...not black and white. The basic concept is: the healthier YOU are, the healthier the people you will attract, and the healthier your relationship.
Cheers.
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