I feel I've acted legit crazy. I've always been pretty anxious but I'm like 10 times worse for the last 6 months. My boyfriend was a dream come true for the first 7 (?) months of our 2 years together. He had bad OCD after this and refuses to get help. He had the type that makes you unsure of who you are anymore- really disturbing sexual thoughts, makes you doubt you love your partner, makes you think you're racist, makes you have violent thoughts. He would cry to me occasionally because he felt so scared. My heart broke for him but after comforting him everyday and hearing his scary thoughts, I became so terrifed because what if it isn't OCD? After all, he has never been diagnosed. Some of the thoughts really hurt me- he found Rachel hotter/he worried i was cute but not hot/unattractive/ he worried he only wanted me initially for the sex but I turned out to be awesome, I was so hurt and I couldn't be upset about it cos it was OCD, not him.
He acted normal for a few months but it came back in May/June. I made it worse by asking for reassurance it was OCD and he wasn't all these evil things. This is the worst thing you can do to someone with OCD. I said he needed to see a doctor to prove to me it's OCD so I can feel safe continuing this. He was too scared. I turned to Reddit day after day for months for reassurance it was OCD and he wasn't bad. I did it so much my accounts got suspended over and over. I spent hours everyday trying to reassure myself he was a good guy. I've been somewhat better as of late but I've been losing feelings because I realise how broken this relationship made me. Now I'm terrified if it does end, I will be single forever, even if I get therapy and return to my normal self. Imagine dating a "normal woman" for a year or 2 and she hits you with this red flag of a story. Am I doomed?
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