So let me start off by saying that my boyfriend is kind of a big baby. For the past year and a half that we have been together he only falls asleep if I scratch his back or scratch his head and he lays on me.. which at first I found really cute, but when I am super tired I kind of just wanna go to bed but I can’t because I noticed that he gets upset if I don’t put him to sleep first. If we are going to sleep together and I decide to roll over and face away w/o giving him scratches, I notice that he will sigh really loud or he will push himself further away from me in annoyance. He is still pretty young.. he will be 20 this June and as his girlfriend I oblige to give him what he wants.
However, things have taken a different turn lately. My boyfriend always wakes up super early in the morning around eight or nine and I’m the type of person who sleeps in until the afternoon because I stay up later to put him to sleep first. Over the past week I have been waking up earlier but still laying in bed with my eyes closed. Not being fully asleep, I’ve begun to notice that he does little things to wake me up. He will punch the wall to make a loud bang or shout or elbow me or smack my butt really hard. And when I wake up to this, he will pretend that he is still half asleep or like he just woke up as well and roll over (which is how he asks me to scratch him). It’s like he’s awake and bored so he wants my attention but does it in a really cruel way.
Like instead of waking me up nicely and asking me to hold him or to scratch his back he will hit me or make a really loud sound and pretend he didn’t do it.
I’m thinking about setting up a dash cam in my room to kind of see what he does while I’m sleeping... after I got up today I asked him “ how often do you hit me in my sleep?” To which he replied, “what? I don’t? I just smacked your butt this morning as a joke.” And I said “all right but usually I wake up sore or I’ll have a random bruise.. and now I’m thinking they might be from you?” And he said “so? My grandma wakes up with random bruises all the time.. I don’t hit you in your sleep.”
He seemed pretty sincere BUT I know I’m not crazy... and I don’t think he’s trying to actually hurt me, I think he’s just trying to wake me up to get attention from me since he’s awake and I’m soundly sleeping. I just want to know if this is abusive behavior or if he’s just acting like a child.
P.s. we have broken up a couple times before because we constantly fought about how I put 100% of the effort into the relationship and he gives me nothing in return. Im always the one giving him massages after a long day or cooking dinner for us and cleaning and washing his clothes and taking care of him like he’s a kid.
He’s dumped me twice... once in September when he met a girl at work that he really liked but it didn’t work out so he came back two weeks later. I took him back but we continued to fight because our problems weren’t resolved and he still wasn’t putting any effort into the relationship..on top of the fact that now I was trying to deal with trust issues. He dumped me AGAIN two days after Christmas and four days later, he got with another girl. That didn’t work out and he met a second girl on tinder who he was with for three weeks.
Him and I just recently got back together on February 9 after he came to my house and told me that he couldn’t stop thinking about me and all the things that I did for him. He said he realized how good I was to him and how even though he was with those two girls and he slept with them, all he could think about was me. He said he got really drunk one night and started crying because he realized he was the one who was creating the problems for why we were fighting.
However, during those six weeks that we were broken up, I was doing a lot of self reflection and thinking about our relationship and now that the rose colored glasses have come off ..I’m starting to notice how childish he is and how much effort I actually put into this relationship and how much I do for him even though he treats me poorly. I’m kind of just curious if this is just a phase he will get over if I keep trying to fix it or if it’s a red flag for abusive behavior.
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