I'm still a virgin and never had a gf, but I have been on a few dates/hangouts last year and early this year. But once quarantine started my dating & social life came to a stop and hasn't returned yet, and being alone for this long is turing me into someone I don't want to be.
Being home from college since march has caused me to have 0 friends, 0 social circles, and have a generally boring life. When I had friends and was going out more in college, I didn't focus as much on my dating life because even if I only got 1-2 dates a month, I had other things going on in my life. Friends, school, clubs, etc. all kept me busy. I also knew that being on a college campus surrounded by people my age, I would have opportunities to find girls to date.
All I do right now is go to work and the gym, and I am left alone with my thoughts. And I now have issues that I didn't have before:
Being forced to not socialize/date and instead watch others on social media be happy, I have never worried more about being a virgin then now, and feeling pathetic. The constant feeling of "time is running out," and that "you're almost 22 and never had a girlfriend or sex you loser" is now always in my mind. I now hate that I have reached this age when 90% of people my age have already dated and had sex.
In person, I now have such little interraction with girls, and when I do I worry I will get the wrong signals. On dating apps, I went from getting an average amount of matches in college, to now maybe 3-5 a month, and I put all of my self esteem into the one girl who responds. And I get way more hurt getting ghosted now than before because I know it will be awhile before I find another girl interested in me. Its also not good that I get way more jealous now seeing a couple than I used to.
I also now compare myself negitively to every guy way more often than I used to. When I go on tiktok or instagram I see every girl talking about their latest crush, their preference between athletes or frat boys, hooking up with their ex, etc., and I get bitter thinking, "why can't I be an "athlete or a popular guy" when I used to not care about these things at all. I see dudes I know on instagram that get lots of likes and attention from girls, and the same bitterness happens. And I want to stop it and instead focus on getting better.
I assume most of my problems are the result of covid isolation, and can be fixed by simply finding some friends and socializing more, but with the likely 2nd lockdown coming, I'm not sure if I can continue to do this, and I don't want to continue to be this person. Has anyone in a similar situation overcome this?
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