Back story: I (F22) had a very manipulative and cheating ex that unfortunately caused me a lot of internal trust issues (no surprise). Stayed alone to build myself back up because I was very aware of it all and left him. I had the same patience and open-mindedness as my first LTR. He ended up doing some very cruel things that I found about hurting my health and crushed my mental health. Forgave him and tried to talk about it, but he got worse. He refused to come and see me to apologize for the last thing he did so I broke it off, and never looked back or would ever consider dating him again. I probably met this guy at the worst time in his life. Grateful for the things he shared with me and the memories made, but I’ll never forget the way he treated me during the last 2 months together.
First relationship, LTR (1 year) was very healthy and positive. I broke up amicably for distance reasons and his timeline moved up. I couldn’t follow him as I was much younger and had my own life goals. I still love him, but not in love with him anymore. Every now and then, think of the good memories, but they stay memories. I spent months alone after this LTR to heal and move on.
I’ve learned a lot from both and obviously want something like the first relationship again with someone I really like/love. I don’t do hookups or “casual” dating. Never cheated or was unfaithful.
To the present, a month ago, I met M29 on an app after 6 months of no dating. I was happy with myself again and thought this was a good time to date seriously again after some encouragement from friends. I liked his humor, smile, he clearly had a passion for his field, and was put together (IMO). The second date we had a great, long convo and ended in great sex. And every date after that we ended the night with great sex. Loved our dates together- everything was going great. Every time I thought it was amazing and craved more. Haven’t felt that much passion since my first BF. I felt very comfortable and at peace with him along with already seeing LT potential, which is probably why I slept with him so early on. Didn’t do that with my last date or my 1st BF before that. Always waited at least 1-6 months to have sex. No regrets here though. Unfortunately, my trauma from my last relationship started showing up and I became anxious and accused him of doing something (after our last date) my most recent ex that Led to deeper probalems. He apologized for it, but I felt really bad. He didn’t actually do something wrong. I confided in friends and they told me I was interpreting things the wrong way and they knew why. I know I have internal issues too now and could cause more problems later, so I broke things off after a wonderful 3 weeks. I called. And then texted again explaining I need to work on myself and why. I secretly hope to come back after some therapy and more reflection (alone), but he only answered my long msgs with I’m going to move on and it’s fine. I know it was only 3 weeks, but we had already been intimate, communicated well other wise, and 5 dates. I feel very humiliated entering the dating scene not actually mentally ready. Plus, I really like him.
I was told by friends later that when someone says they’re “working on themselves”, they never come back or it’s because they chose someone else, which is not what I was planning to do. But I want to respect his choice to move on. I don’t want to be selfish here and reach out when im not wanted.
ADVICE or similar stories (hopefully ones with positive endings?). Either way, it’s clear I need to work on myself to not be so quick to end things over something small, be more patient and think things through w/o letting my anxiety get in the way, so that I can have a healthy LTR again.
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