We met online, our conversation was originally mental wellbeing/career-related, he offered to write his opinion/ experience in detail on a topic that I brought up. After his letter, I just wanted to say thank you but I got carried away and I wrote long. So we started talking almost every day.
After the first week, he expressed that he finds me interesting and wise, and amazed at how much we have in common, and how well we get on. He also said (sometimes he doesn’t reply to my questions while I react to everything he writes) that he gets attached very easily so he doesn’t want to share some things with me. Which is fine, I can understand it. But the thing is that I also get really really attached early on, basically when someone pays the absolute minimum attention to me. So it makes me feel vulnerable I guess? (but I didn’t say this to him, tried to play it cool, maybe it was a mistake?)
I know that we are not together or anything like that, but on the days we don’t talk, I miss him. It makes me miserable a bit. Also last year I fell out with my real-life friends so I have nobody apart from my family. This makes it even harder not to think of him as someone who could be close to me.
We also have an 8-year age gap (I’m 23) but thus far it seems ok. It bothers me that he is quite reserved and closed off on particular topics. He doesn’t share a lot and I’m getting tired of keeping the conversation alive. eg. he texted me 3 days ago, not asking anything just briefly reflecting on my last letter. I didn’t reply right away because I was waiting that maybe he would write again, but 3 days later he didn’t. I feel like the whole thing came to an end? Like I got nothing to say... I could, I could talk about anything with anyone but this feels one-sided and maybe forced. I guess that’s too harsh for now. But I feel sad and frustrated that he didn't reach out. I know he doesn't have to, but also is it the lack of interest or that he doesn't want to put pressure on me (we had this convo) and doesn't want to double text?
So I tried to be laid back in the last 3 days, let him come to me, and be „in my feminine” but honestly I was annoyed and in dysregulated waiting mode the whole time. I don’t want to come off rude not replying but I don’t want to seem desperate reacting to everything just to keep in touch either. So I don’t know what to do. I was thinking that today I should text him a short reply and that’s it. But not asking questions, not putting myself out there, if he won’t make an effort. What do you suggest?
I don’t know what’s the situation between us like who are we to each other? Pen pals, peer support, friends to be, or more to be? Why are we talking? I’m afraid of „losing” him but I know it’s stupid…
Sorry, I know it’s long, but thank you if you made it to the end!! Please give me some advice, I truly need it. <3
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