Hey Reddit,
I'm a 21-year-old guy in a relationship with a 30-year-old woman, and we've been together for nearly half a year. It's been a rollercoaster with both good and bad times. Recently, I uncovered something baffling: my girlfriend has been helping a friend's brother to come to the US by creating a false romantic narrative with him for a visa. I accidentally saw their messages, which were convincingly intimate.
This discovery sparked a major argument. She recognized my upset yet seemed unable to see the ethical issue, believing she was just aiding a friend. For me, it's about the integrity and trust that I feel have been compromised. We've tried to set some boundaries since then, yet trust remains shaky.
Complicating matters, we share both a home and a workplace, making any form of separation complicated. She maintains that her interactions with this man were non-romantic and solely to assist him, but I'm struggling with feelings of betrayal.
Feeling quite adrift, I'm reaching out for guidance on how to proceed. How can I rebuild trust under these circumstances? Is it feasible to move beyond this and build a strong, honest relationship, or is this a major red flag that can’t be ignored?
Any advice or perspective would be greatly appreciated.
TDLR ; No, I didn’t intentionally stumble upon her private chats. It came to light through a situation where her phone was used for something unrelated, and the messages were seen accidentally. My concern isn’t just about the legality of her actions, though I understand the complexity and potential consequences of what she’s doing. It’s more about the deception involved and how it impacts our relationship’s trust.
I’m not primarily worried about the fake relationship turning real. My unease stems from the lack of transparency and the potential for such significant actions to be hidden from me. It raises questions about what else might be concealed in the future.
As for posting here, I’m seeking anonymous advice to gain perspective on the situation. I believe in the value of privacy, hence the details are kept vague to maintain anonymity and not disclose any personal information.
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