I (22m) have a good friend (22f) that I've known for several years. She's very pretty, but I've always just thought of her as a friend. She's been in and out of a couple relationships, and I just never really considered it. Anyway, she recently got out of a long term relationship and texted me. We usually hang out about monthly or so in groups, but we've hung out plenty of times just the two of us and always get on great. Anyway, she's interested in making plans soon so I invited her to a group outing. Everyone had a great time.
She's also new to the area, so I suggested we go do some local activities. She's up for it, and also suggests a place I'm familiar with as a pretty typical date location, strange. So we made the plans and it happened to be just the two of us. This is when I was like, wait, this isn't a date but it sure as hell looks like one. And it definitely did, I told a buddy and my family and it definitely raised eyebrows. Anyway, we had a really great time. We had some amazing conversations, and I felt like I definitely got closer to her as a friend. The rest of the day took a bit longer than expected and we both have work, so we postponed the "date" place, which she seemed adamant about rescheduling.
In the following weeks we went on two more "friend dates". Both were a ton of fun. Neither one was to that date-ey place though, it's rather inconvenient, and I was a bit afraid it'd be awkward. This is where I hate being a guy though... I developed a crush, damnit. Now I'm really conflicted. I genuinely enjoy just hanging out with her as a friend. But here comes lizard brain: "you like hanging out with each other, you think she's pretty, why haven't you asked her on a date?" It's got a point right? I consult our mutual friend (m). I think it's a terrible idea and hope he tells me I'm just being an idiot. He did the opposite, damnit.
So now I feel like I have to otherwise it'll eat away at me. So, I give her a call and ask her if I could take her on a date to that place she had been suggesting and a nice dinner. She seems pleasantly surprised. She says she's up for it, but needs to confirm she's able to on the day I suggested. She expresses slight concern about how romantic it sounds- whoops, did I overdo it? I tell her if we do it, there's literally no expectations, we just have a fun day and "worst" case scenario we're not feeling it and go back to business as usual. Again we've been nothing but friends for years, and pretty close friends at that, so I completely felt the mutual nervousness. In fact I was extremely nervous but also really excited. I mean this could be great right?
If you're hoping for a juicy twist, sorry... it's a bit mundane.
So some days later I ask to confirm the date. She takes a little longer than usual to reach back out. Uh oh, cold feet. She finally does and says she's not sure it's a good idea. She thinks it'll ruin our friendship. Of course I respected her decision, if she wasn't completely on board, I wouldn't have wanted to in the first place. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit disappointed. Despite trying so hard to not get excited, I was.
Since then we've hung out again in a group setting. It was fun, we didn't bring it up, and our friendship is fine. At least it appears like it from the outside, which is good cause I was very scared it'd be weird. But now I'm conflicted and it's making me feel like an ass, because I so badly just want to go back to just seeing her as a friend, but I can't seem to shake the crush. I don't understand because my expectations were so low when I first asked. But I have this internal struggle going on. On the logical side, I'm happy I asked, just to know. I'm very happy she was honest with me. I want to remain friends because we have a great time together. I absolutely will not bring up the topic again with her. Then again there's the lizard brain side with all the maybes and what-ifs. I have beef with the lizard brain side.
I appreciate anyone who reads this and has advice to offer. My only thought would be to distance myself, at least for a while. But she would notice and I would feel bad and I would hate even more if it made her feel bad. The thought makes me feel a bit like I'm betraying/betrayed our friendship, so I'm trying to think of an alternative.. ugh don't ask friends on dates.
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