EDIT: I am 21 and female.
I know I’m not “doomed,” but I have trouble figuring out what to do.
As an anxious attachment person, I find that I am only ever attracted to avoidant attachment styles and, just generally, people who I see as “cooler” than me. These people tend to be more well-versed in art, film, music, etc. than I am, have a trendier fashion sense, are more aloof, chill, and relaxed. They are also usually avoidant.
I know the whole story about how anxious and avoidant types can be disasters in relationships with each other - and so I’m trying to date people who are more secure or who, at least, aren’t the “cool” type that I’m so attracted to. But...I just can’t! I’m trying so hard to get to know and be attracted to these other people, the ones who are expressing so much interest in me, who are maybe a little bit “nerdier” and not as hipster lol, but I’m just not attracted to them! They are all great people, kind, sensitive, respectful...But I can only see them as friends, not romantic partners. There is no sexual attraction either obviously!
I have started seeing this avoidant guy [21] recently, and I’m so so attracted to him! But part of me keeps thinking about all the things that people say about how terrible it is for anxious and avoidant to date. But is this necessarily true? I’ve never actually dated an avoidant (just been attracted to them), and part of me thinks that I should date who I’m attracted to, and it’ll be fine as long as we can make it work (and that I shouldn’t be so insecure as to think that a “cool” guy lol won’t want me). Another part of me says that I’m doing myself a disservice by not sticking with a secure type, and that I should be working harder to be attracted to these other guys and stop letting my attachment style get in the way of seeing how great they are for me. What do I do???
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