I'm a 21F, just ended a two year long relationship.
Okay, so, I've broken up with my now ex boyfriend a couple of hours ago. Recently I've realized that we are in different "stages" of commitment, if that makes any sense at all. His friends are more important to him than me, he doesn't want to share stuff about his life with me, he forgets to call me when he says he will and is generally trying less than I am. This escalated into an argument that lasted for like a month, and a couple of hours ago I snapped and broke up with him. We had a horrible scene afterwards in which he begged me to stay, promising that he will change. We cried for like an hour and talked and he was trying to convince me to not break up, but I finally left and ended things. I'm sure he'll call me again in a couple of days to talk and try to get me back, but I will do my best not to cave as I believe that breaking up is the best option.
The problem is - he is an amazing guy. Well, an amazing person - very kind, loving, smart, likes to give advice and listen to people, funny, caring, great at sex. We have broken up on good terms (minus the crying), agreeing that after some time when we heal, we will try to be friends, because we do get along great as people. I broke up with him because I couldn't handle the half-truths about his personal life and his general laziness and irresponsibility that affects all aspects of his life, including our relationship. He is a great guy, simply for somebody else, who is not me. I'm an overachiever, overly responsible and at times even controlling. He is unable to set healthy boundaries, so I hurt him a lot with my prying, which I'm prone to. He does not see it as a mistake tho, he doesn't think I ever make mistakes and worships me. But after us fighting a lot lately, he became anxious when simply talking to me because he was afraid of saying something that would tick me off. That's extremely toxic, and I feel horrible for doing that to him, but he doesn't even see it as my mistake. The problem is, he doesn't understand why I'm angry and what I want, even when I explain it perfectly rationally and with many words and respectfully. That's why he sees our fights as random and is afraid. I did my best to explain everything I thought and felt but it simply didn't work. I wanted some respect but I didn't get it, not because he doesn't respect me per sé, but because his mental health problems don't allow him to respect himself or others the way a neurotypical person sees respect.
Now I come to the part where I need advice. How do I get over a relationship that was actually good for the most part? It would be easier if I hated him or was super pissed, but I'm not, I'm just done with trying to fix a leaking boat constantly. I still do love him as a person. So how do I explain myself that this is actually good?
I would also like to hear any thoughts whatsoever on this situation. Similar experiences, some judgement/thought/consolation/trashing me/trashing him/anything really. Just to bounce ideas off.
Thank you, and stay safe!
Edit: he is 21 yo as well.
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