“Hey, I’ve decided that this isn’t something that I want anymore”.
“This isn’t working for me”
“I don’t think we’re compatiable”.
ANY of these statements are fine. Pick one. Be honest. Immediately. There’s absolutely no reason to drag it out or to lead someone on longer than you have too. If you’re not sure that you want to end some thing STILL give a heads up and say that you need some time and space to think instead of just being distant and cold until you figure it out. It’s mean, insensitive and frankly quite weird that you’re OK with someone thinking that everything‘s OK and then completely blindsiding them.
Beginning of December, I met a guy that I thought was sweet and thoughtful. We talked just about every day, he usually would reach out to me during his work hours to make sure I was fine, to check in. At night time we would video chat for 3 to 5 hours. It wasn’t every single day but It was a decent amount of time during the week because of Covid and we live in different states but we’re only about 30 minutes away from each other. This is only about a month but we got really close. Our first date was great, we met at the park, he had a small gift for me, I mentioned that I’m obsessed with coffee and he surprised me with a light roast bag for me to take home. Drove me home, walked me to my door. Between that day and the second date he was still staying in contact with me a decent amount during the week .The usual video chat or phone calls for a few hours. Second date was great he took me to a great restaurant with food that I mentioned that I never tried before. We eventually did have sex and it was awesome. He called me the next day, things were fine. And again the usual during the week I was hearing from him. We had our last date on a Saturday. It was nice, he came over early we had sex, went to a drive-in movie picked up food then went back to my place and cuddled for the night. Sunday rolls around, I had decided to not reach out to him during the day and give him some space because I felt like we were spending a lot of time together and just wanted to give each other some breathing room. I texted him that night and he seem pretty dry and distant - answering hours apart. I tried to lighten up the conversation but he just seemed far away so I ended the Conversation with “good night”. Monday I didn’t hear from him and then Tuesday I still hadn’t heard from him which I thought was weird so I decided to go on the dating app because I had a weird feeling and saw that he curently active. I did feel a little jealous about it BUT we weren’t exclusive ( though we had a lot of conversations about being exclusive after going on a few more dates, and if we were seeing anyone else) so there’s not much I could really say. I did try to call him just to see how he was doing but he didn’t answer. he texted me about an hour later pretty dry. The Convo ended with me asking if he would at least call me but he never responded to that. Later on in the evening I got frustrated and went on the dating app again and saw that he was online so I just figured I would reach out to him again and tell him something along the lines of “hey the communication between us has been a little different ...do you need Space or do you not wanna do this anymore and I would really appreciate it if you told me instead of just being cold and distant”. about an hour later he responded with “hey I’m sorry” and some bogus line saying that he feels that we were moving too fast and that it felt unnatural to him... and that he’s been feeling like that for a while. I asked how come he didn’t say anything and he said he felt if kept going along with it that it would eventually feel natural......I thought that was weird especially because I was moving at his pace. We spent a lot of time talking, the dates, he was mentioning the future nothing major but you know what I mean and he was getting me small gifts - nothing crazy, godiva chocolates, some small Christmas gift that hasn’t even come in the mail yet, etc. I felt like we were both were investing into each other. After a great day and night to just absolutely nothing .... weird. The only thing I can respond back with was “ take care! “.
I just chalked it up to him probably never liking me and was just being a weirdo and stringing me along or him realizing that this was leading to something serious and he freaked out.
Anyways, I’m not saying that people aren’t allowed to change their mind but I feel as though as soon as you decide that you don’t wanna do something anymore you should be kind and tell the person that instead of going along with an act that’s not real.
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