I’ve been seeing a guy I really like, and I’m struggling to make sense of how quickly things changed.
After our first date, I got quite intense. This led to him telling me he thought we were quite different and wasn’t sure he could see anything long-term. I accepted that, and we cut contact. However, a month later HE reached out to me again himself and reopened the door. We ended up meeting a couple more times, and things seemed to get significantly better between us.
The last time we met, he stayed over and was extremely affectionate and interested throughout the evening and the following morning. He was very physically close, engaged, and generally gave me every impression that he was genuinely into me. He cuddled me while he thought I was asleep, and even told me afterwards that he’d found our time together even nicer than before, and that we have to finish that show we started watching. Because he had been the one to reconnect with me, I started wondering whether his original doubts about us had changed.
Then, almost immediately afterwards, his communication dropped off dramatically. I deliberately gave him space because I knew he had previously been uncertain about us and I didn’t want to pressure him. About a week later, I asked if he wanted to see me again. He told me that he had started dating someone else more exclusively and that they both wanted to keep it that way, so he couldn’t continue seeing me romantically.
I told him I was surprised because I had genuinely experienced him as very interested during our last time together. He actually validated that, saying I wasn’t “off track” in my thinking, that he had really enjoyed seeing me, that absolutely nothing had gone wrong during our last meeting, and that things had simply changed very quickly.
So I don’t think I completely imagined his interest, which almost makes this harder to understand. Presumably he was dating this other guy at the same time and genuinely liked both of us, then decided to pursue the other connection exclusively shortly after our last date.
I completely respect his decision, but it hurts a lot because it feels less like “he just wasn’t interested in me” and more like “he was interested in me, but ultimately chose someone else». I’m also wondering whether I made a mistake by giving him so much space instead of being clearer about what I wanted. I would actually have wanted exclusivity with him, but because he had previously expressed doubts about us, I thought the mature thing was to let things develop naturally rather than put pressure on him.
Has anyone been on either side of something like this? How can someone seem genuinely very interested in one person and then choose exclusivity with someone else only days later? And how do you stop interpreting being the person who wasn’t chosen as meaning you somehow weren’t “good enough”?
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