I (30 F) went on a date recently with a guy (36 M) that I was recently in grad school with. I had a small crush on him my last semester but it quickly faded away.
We were texting about school stuff and he texted me that he has liked me for almost 2 years but didn’t ask me out because he was emotionally unavailable at the time. I wasn’t sure how I felt so I accepted a date but didn’t state I had feelings.
I feel a little smothered by him and I’m not sure if it’s just fearful avoidant attachment or if he is just being too intense for me. He texts me long paragraphs constantly throughout the day and I feel like it’s a chore to respond because it is so often and so much. He also lives an hour away and said he’s willing to drive to see me and even offered to drive me 4 hours away to an exam I had to take. He wanted our first date to be a trip out of state to go to a concert. I changed the date to just getting dinner.
The date I went on was fine but I’m not feeling any attraction. He’s genuinely nice and is treating me well but it feels like a lot. I didn’t kiss him or do anything physical with him on the date. When I got home, he texted me that he’s not talking to, dating, or sleeping with anyone else. I didn’t really know what to say back because to me it feels way too soon.
I have a pattern of only like emotionally unavailable guys who don’t treat me well. I tend to get scared and run the other way when a guy takes me seriously and seems to want a relationship with me. He’s not my usual type but I’m confused because last semester I did feel a small amount of attraction to him but now I don’t at all.
I want to give him a chance because he is genuinely nice but this feels like a lot of pressure to me. Am I overreacting or does he seem too intense? I am not sure how to proceed.
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