A little back story on me, I grew up with just toxic/ bad views on relationships and I know for a fact I have commitment/abandonment issues. So there is this guy I have known since freshman year of high school (6yrs). We tried dating in high school, but it didn’t last long at all bc I was just everywhere in high school. We’ve always tried talking throughout the years but I have a tendency when people get to close to push them away,and it didn’t help he just had very bad hygiene and he smoked a lot, anger issues. Now, im 20 and he is 21, I’m finally trying to give him a real chance (he has better hygiene, has been working on his anger, and has a good career for himself) and we talk every single day and he has met my family and they seem to really like him but for some reason I’m just feeling put off by him. He has such amazing qualities including qualities that I want in a guy, but I’m not really attracted to him physically like at all. He isn’t ugly but I’m just not super attracted to him. And just talking on the phone, or even in person I feel we end up talking about the same things. I’ve tried asking questions to him, but then I’m the only one that asks the questions and he seems to take no intuitive to get to know me on a deeper level. He didn’t even remember my birthday and we’ve been friends for years... and I know I’ve hurt him in the past bc of friend-zoning him, and I feel freaking terrible, but when I try explaining all that I’ve been through and the reasons for my actions and just how I’m feeling and I might need a break he blocks me on social media and just ignores me. I’m trying to just give it time, and see where things go but I don’t want to hurt him in the long run either including bc he seems to have all these strong ass feelings and wanting to move so fast (like babies, moving in etc) I just end up feeling like he isn’t my person and I just have doubts and all that and people say I should give it time but it’s like I know how I feel? Some of my family/friends say it’s my fear of commitment that makes me not like him and it could be that, but I have no clue. But at the same time, I’m not really attracted to him physically(he has really nice eyes) and might be tmi but I don’t want to drop my panties for him but With other guys it’s no problem. Please help and offer some advice or anything? I’m so fucking confused on what to do and how to handle this situation. I hate hurting people and so I try sucking up how I’m feeling to not hurt anyone and I know that’s such a bad trait to have sometimes.
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