I (24F) have been chronically dating (mostly finding ppl through dating apps) for the last two years. I broke up my year long polyamorous relationship (36M) & cut things off with my FWB (32M) of 4ish months.
One day it clicked that I'm dedicating most of my energy to engaging with these men. Even though I limited my interactions to once per week for each of them, I would obviously consider them in my alone time, fantasize, or yearn for their attention.
I was well aware that both relationships would inevitably end one day, so I asked myself, what's the harm in experimenting while I'm young? Enjoying casual sex? Engaging with older men who can speak on life experience I haven't encountered yet?
The problem is that I'm starting to accept women's brains respond differently to sex. Even though both of these dynamics offered me honest communication and consistent, valuable intimacy, I eventually found myself neglecting my own needs and schedule. I was willing to make personal sacrifices neither of them asked me to make. I put them both on a pedestal.
I don't have any regrets, ultimately I feel grateful to have followed my curiosity, and I am proud of myself for recently setting boundaries and breaking free.
But I am suffering as a single person, trying to accept this sudden void in my life and realizing I have been subconsciously seeking validation from men up to this point.
Can anyone relate? Does it become easier to stop hyper-focusing on men once your frontal lobe develops??
(For the record, I am a very independent person, who prides themselves on having many different hobbies and interests. But I am very sensitive, hopelessly romantic, and may have a victim/hero complex going on. Also still trying to expand my career options and have a lot of free time on my hands...)
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