I want him and I don't know what to do.

English is not my first language and I'm kind of bad at writing so please excuse me, I really need to get this off my chest.

I have a guy friend I've known for a few years now and we've always had a sort of a special connection. Both in our early 20's. We used to be part of a large friend group and even then we had something, the two of us. My other friends used to tell me we need to chill because sometimes we get so lost in each other we forget about others in the group or conversation. We just bounce off each other's humour so effortlessly. I've never met someone who I can talk to about truly anything and conversation just flows super naturally. About a year ago he confessed he has had feelings for me, and since I didn't feel anything besides platonic attraction I rejected him. I also was never attracted to him looks wise. I didn't want to lose him as a friend because he means too much to me.

Since then we only became closer and closer. Our work places aren't far away and about a year ago we naturally started hanging out on our breaks and after work. He mostly initiated it but I did as well. After that we just started hanging out alone a lot aside from hanging out in a group of people.

Fast forward and one summer night a few months ago we both got drunk and just started cuddling and touching each other. I felt so safe and loved. Since then we would meet up ocassionally to do just that, touch and hug and cuddle. Now here is the problem, I am a person with a troubled past sexually and I can't get myself to even kiss him. He wanted to kiss me and I pulled away multiple times. I explained to him my past and he understood. But I can tell it hurts him and he wants more. I feel like I would kiss him If I maybe had the urge to but I don't. I'm afraid a kiss will ruin us, a relationship will ruin us. But I miss him every second I'm not with him. I don't want to lead him on and make him hate me. I can't stop thinking about him. Any advice?

submitted by /u/Boring-Recover-8851
[link] [comments]

from Dating Advice https://ift.tt/DZHYSEg
via IFTTT