Hi reddit advice people. I’m (early 30s f)a bit of a late bloomer, but I’ve been trapped in this same kind of cycle over numerous situationships for the last 8 years I’ve been dating. Doesn’t matter if I meet the guy in person or online. Guys tend to be super interested and invested for the first hmm 3-8 weeks and inevitably they all decide at some point I’m not worth investing in long term. Doesn’t matter if its been multiple dates, whether we’ve been intimate or not. I’d say half the time I can see how we just weren’t a fit but the other half the time it always comes as a surprise.
I tend to be shy in large groups but not usually one on one. I have always had my own life, hobbies, friends, jobs or school. I don’t think I’m particularly clingy- after reading some posts I realize I may have an anxious attachment style but I don’t usually act on it. (Knowingly anyways. My last therapist told me that I’m extremely self aware but I understand sometimes we just don’t see ourselves) I also feel like when I start to get a little more comfortable with a guy I might relax and talk less. I get the “you’re quiet” and it makes me feel like I’m expected to always be entertaining? I don’t know maybe normal me is boring?
Not sure how to say this without sounding full of myself but I’m really a genuinely kind person. I try to be thoughtful and supportive. Guys I’ve dated have told me I’m the sweetest person they’ve ever known, but maybe that’s boring? Could that be working against me?
I’m probably about average in looks (although I once had a friend tell me I get lots of attention because I’m blonde) and I’ve fluctuated from being extremely fit to very chunky and now probably decently fit. I’m not one of those girls who constantly has a thousand matches but I have a few. I don’t have a ton of experience uh physically/ intimately but that’s because none of these relationships usually get far enough along for that.
I’m really tired of being alone and realize that the common thread in all of this is me. But it happens every single time! I get all the reasons from “not wanting a relationship right now”, to “emotionally unavailable”, to “something’s missing”, you name it. I just want to fix whatever I’m doing wrong all the time. Unless I’m just unlovable...
Thanks for reading if you’ve made it through. Hope you’re all having a lovely weekend
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