TL;DR: 30F, single after almost 11 years together, and basically skipped dating in my 20s. Utterly clueless about modern dating. HELP A GIRL OUT - what do I need to know?
Also, reassurance that my lame ass is still relevant on the market wouldn’t make me blind with rage per se.
Here goes:
I just turned 30 and became single a couple of months ago after being with my ex for almost 11 years. We lived together for the last few years.
So I’m now in this very weird position where I feel like a grown adult who should know what she’s doing, while simultaneously feeling like my 19-year-old ass again, with absolutely no idea how dating works.
I never really dated before I met my ex. I was pretty young, and back then I mostly met people through school, university, friends, etc.
I never had a boyfriend before him. I did have some sexual experience with other people before we got together, though, so it’s not that I’m sexually inexperienced at all. I’m also generally pretty sexually open-minded.
But now I’m about to start dating, and I’ve never really done the whole dating thing.
I think the sex part is probably going to be the weirdest. I’ve only had sex with the same man for almost 11 years. I’m a little nervous about it, because I imagine it’ll be a very strange experience being intimate with someone new after spending almost 11 years being intimate with the same person.
And then there’s all the other stuff.
I have absolutely no idea what the dating scene is like these days. What are you even supposed to expect? How does dating actually work? How much do you text between dates? When do you know someone is interested? When do you kiss? When do you have sex? When do you become exclusive? What the hell are the rules?!
I’d much rather meet people organically in real life, but I’m considering dating apps because at least it’s kind of established from the beginning that there’s a romantic/sexual intention.
I feel like I’m so rusty that if a man actually hit on me in real life, I probably wouldn’t even realize it.
I think in general I also just have a pretty high threshold for recognizing flirting when it’s directed at me, because someone basically has to stand there holding a giant sign saying “I AM FLIRTING WITH YOU” before I realize what’s happening.
It could also just be because I’ve been in a relationship for so long that I automatically assume people are approaching me platonically, because it was never something I had to consider.
Or not. Oh well, WHAT DO I KNOW MAN
And then there’s the slightly vulnerable part:
Do I even still “have it”? lol (getting secondhand embarrassment from myself just writing this).
It’s just that I’ve been in the same relationship throughout all of my 20s, so I genuinely have no idea what it’s like to be perceived as a single woman in the dating world now.
I’m not devastated about being single, though. If anything, I’m mostly excited, curious and a little terrified about entering this completely new chapter of my life.
So I’m not having a crisis, I’m just a little clueless and want to hear your war stories. I keep going back and forth between “This is going to be fun!” and “What the fuck am I doing?” though, so tell me: what do I need to know?! AH
Or maybe I am having a crisis. I’ll let you decide on that.
For context:
I identify as straight (based on everything I’ve tried so far), but I’m open to meeting women as well and seeing how that goes. Just thought I’d clarify that.
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