So I (33F) went on Tinder for the first time in my life about three months ago after being single for almost 2 years. Did have some romantic situations, but nothing serious. I thought it would be fun to meet new people and to go in without expecting much.
I liked one guy on the app, and we matched. I think I was on the app for like an hour. We started talking and almost immediately had deep emotional conversations, which I did not expect. He told me he didn't like the apps and deleted it. I did the same, since I was overwhelmed already with how it worked. He seemed very respectful and kind. He actually cancelled our first date because he wanted something serious and I told him earlier that I wasn't sure if I was ready for that. He was afraid of getting hurt. I was sad because he sparked my curiosity, but respected his decision. The day of the date he starts texting me again and admits he is also scared of the language barrier (our mother language was not the same and we spoke English to eachother - we are from the same country, we have different official languages). Said he was insecure because of this, but then decided he did want to see me.
Went on the first date, felt like a movie. Best date I ever had. Lots of chemistry, felt attracted to eachother, easy to talk to, just such a nice flow and I felt very safe with him. He wanted to hold hands, we kissed in the rain... you get the gist.
This goes on for 6 weeks, lots of texting. He was definitely pursueing me more while I was not trying to get overwhelmed by his actions. He sent me pics of his family, talked about how his family spoke english/my language well if I would meet them, talked about his life, insecurities, dreams, we talked about philosophical stuff, he told me how ready he was for a new story and never felt this way before,... yadda yadda. I mean just so much emotional and then also a lot of physical intimacy which made my attachment go buckwild, even though I tried to stay rational. I just fell so quickly and so hard because this never happened to me before after being in a serious relationship for almost 10 years.
So after this time, the novelty and excitement and 'newness' ofcourse started to fade and I felt him being more and more distant. Eventually he told me after like 7 weeks that he didn't feel a romantic spark.
Which to me felt insane since he was so emotionally intimate with me from the start. We did agree we could get back in touch after a while. He texted me 2,5 weeks after ending it asking me how I was, I told him I was sad to lose the connection and I was focusing on that. I did ask him some questions but he immediately got distant again. Convo fizzled out.
Last week I see him back on Tinder with new pics, like ready for round (god knows what number).
Like how naive was I to fall for this? He did tell me he has spent a lot of time on the apps and saw a lot of girls. So I guess I was just one of many? Is this just an avoidant? I feel so confused with the principles of this online dating thing.
I told him at the beginning I was okay with casual, so if it is just for hooking up, he really didn't need to lie and go to this length...
Thank you for your advice !
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