Hello guys,
I’m crushed, yikes.
Me (F21) do be a bit drunk and sad, and english is not my mother tongue so i’m deeply sorry about the bad grammar.
In the end of November I started talking to a beautiful human being on tinder. We hit things off instantly and started to text, pretty much throughout the day.
When I was back home, we managed to meet for a short walk and things got very intense. The following days we texted, sent pictures, memes, compliments and met up again. And again. And again. Untill the 20th of December. And it was beautiful. I’ve never experienced something so wholesome and intense like this, it was almost like a symbiosis. He said the same thing, and it scared us both.
For the record I got out of a two year relationship, and he recently broke off a 6 year long relationship in April (he’s 24.)
He suddenly became distant, as the days went by and we were apart. We talked about it, and he said he did not know what was happening to him, and I respect that. Things got intense and we both went into it with our hearts first and not our heads. I got very confused and i’ve cried the past days, so today I opened up about my feelings.
We met up today for the first time since the 20th to go for a walk; he told me he would like to see me after I opened up about my sadness and confusion through text.
Now i’m stuck even more confused, and crushed now than I was.
When we met up, we hugged and he held his arms around me for a long time. Then he took my hand, and held his arms tight around me, while watching the sunset. I asked him about a couple of things, since all is a blur, what I remember was that he did not know what exactly was happening, and that he did not feel «enough» for me to get into a relationship, or that he was «in love», not sure if «in love» and «forelsket» is the same thing as in english, but it’s the best translation I can do now. He said I could text and call him anytime, we could go for more walks and hang out. Not sure what that means.
I don’t want to get into something now and it was not my intention. Things went by so quickly, it was hard to stop. I’m overwhelmed by all these feelings and i’m starting to believe that i’m difficult to love. Or that people like me more for my looks, than as an actual being. It hurts.
He kissed my cheek multiple times when we said our goodbyes. What was that for?
I’m so insecure, crushed and down and I honestly don’t know. I’m writing this while panicking. I hate this. I really want to hold him again and make him smile. This really, really sucks. And, I feel so pathetic.
This is stupid, i’m crying over some boy i’ve known for a month, while it feels like i’ve known him for years. And regarding the current world situation, I just feel even more stupid. I’m sorry. I think I need someone to talk to.
I love you
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