I matched with this guy last spring and before we had a chance to meet in person (lockdown), he told me he was not in a position to go into a relationship as he had a lot of other things going on in his life. He wanted to continue chatting as friends though, but only if I wanted to. I was disappointed but I appreciated his honesty, though I wasn’t sure if he was saying that to protect my feelings (ie not attracted to me) or actually meant it (ie just bad timing for a relationship).
Regardless, I thought I should respect his boundaries and I was happy to continue chatting as friends and we did. We continued sending long messages and photos back and forth, like we did before. Meanwhile, I continued swiping on the apps and ended up in a short relationship with another match whilst continuing to be friends with this guy. We did end up meeting in person just slightly before that relationship ended (had nothing to do with him), and we clicked really well. We’ve since met up a couple more times, and have continued texting regularly.
I have quite a bit going on in my life now that’s taking up a lot of emotional and mental headspace, so I’m not sure I want to get into another relationship just yet. However, I really miss sex and toys just aren’t cutting it. I really just want to have sex but with somebody I find attractive, trust and feel safe with. I find all of that in him and always have a great time when we hang out. That’s why I’ve been toying with the idea of asking him to be friends with benefits. For my own sanity, I’ve always just kind of assumed that he was letting me down gently before when he said he didn’t want a relationship, which is why I know I’ll be ok being just fwb with him. Though, I must say I’m surprised he actually stayed friends with me instead of fading away/ghosting eventually and we’re still meeting up - it has been about 9 months now since he asked to be just friends.
My worry is what if he might’ve actually been honest and could potentially see us dating, and me asking to be fwb just ruins the whole thing/potential between us? I’ve not sat around waiting for him to change his mind and have continued moving on with my life all this time (eg dated other people) and don’t intend to change this. However, if he were to want to progress things between us when the timing is right for me too, I would be keen.
Based on his actions (ie actually staying friends still after 9 months), would you say there’s a chance he might be interested in dating down the line or is 9 months too long a drag? I know I can and should ask him directly but I’m a chicken that’s why I’m asking the internet! Send in your guesses please 😝
Should I ask him to be fwb?
TLDR: OLD match said life is busy busy so relationship no can’t do just now, asked to stay friends, actually stayed friends, still friends after 9 months, regular texts and meet-ups. Was he being honest or was it a gentle rejection? I miss sex. Should I ask to be fwb?
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