Sorry if this ends up being long. I don’t expect any of this to make sense, as everyone I’ve explained this too is just as baffled as I am.
As the title reads, my head has been a fucking whirlwind of thoughts and emotions the past 3 months. Let me explain.
I live in San Diego at the moment and came back home to Chicago for the summer to spend some time with family and friends. My good buddy Chris introduced me to one of his friends from his PT program, let’s call her Amanda. Amanda just got out of a 5 year long relationship but seemed open to the idea of seeing new people according to my buddy. The first night we all hung out was at house party and we kicked it off immediately. Same taste in music, same outlook on life / work, LOTS of overlapping interests and hobbies. I was pleasantly surprised to say the least. We spent the entire time talking and barely interacted with the rest if the group that night. I kissed her goodnight and was stoked about it.
Awesome right? Well for the remainder of my stay in town she wasn’t very responsive to my texts and invites to hang out. She actually blew me off pretty hard once and cancelled 5 mins before we were supposed to hang one of the times. Whatever I thought, maybe that fun night we had together was just that. So I’m starting to come to grips with this and emotionally pull back. She finds out that I’m leaving the next day and hits me up to hang out right before I leave. Confused, but also still curious, I met up with her.
She explained her situation, saying that she’s not sure if she’s ready to date, especially being that we live if different states. I was completely understanding but also showed signs that I’d be willing to make some sacrifices if this were to turn into a meaningful relationship. We connected on an emotional level this time, as I offered her advice and support for the way she was feeling. After 6 hours of drinks and tacos she pulled me in and gave me one of the most passionate kisses I’ve felt in a long time. Fuck, I thought, I could really see myself liking this person.
After that night, I flew back to SD with a smile on my face and warm feeling in my heart. I’m extremely picky with the people I date, which usually leads to me not dating at all, so it was very refreshing to have a genuine connection with her.
Throughout my time in SD, we kept it contact, texting every couple of days, talking on the phone some times. I sent her a postcard with a hand drawn coupon for “1 free hangout” that she could redeem when we see each other next. It was the perfect amount of contact in my option. Nothing serious, but obvious interest still from both of us.
She reached out and asked when I’m coming back for the holidays, saying that she’s been thinking about me. I was hesitant about flying back because of the pandemic, but thought why not? I haven’t put my heart on display for a while, and it’d be nice to see the family again as my Dad just had a a major health incident.
So I fly out. This is real time now, just last week.
We meet up at a bar near her house and hang there for a while. Everything’s going great. I give her a Christmas present, it was something that I knew she needed. My decided to leave the bar, and my car starting having issues so we decided just to head back to her place for the night. This is where things got weird.
We’re in the Uber and I put my arm around her to cuddle her. Nothing. It was like putting my arm around a statue. No embrace or anything. Weird. We got to her house, and she immediately showed me to the room I was going to be sleeping in. By this time, I was starting to get off put by her vibes. Needles to say I was confused af. As she’s getting ready to head to her room, I pulled her aside and told her that I had a fun night. I told her that I’m really into her and I think we could be awesome together. I could tell she got really nervous and started stumbling over her words. The words she did manage get out made it seem like she wasn’t trying to be in a relationship. WTF!? Okay, did I miss something. The conversation kinda just died off as I told her that I can’t change the way she feels.
She drives me home the next morning, and things were fine. I was definitely sleep deprived and still a little hungover so conversation wasn’t amazing but it wasn’t weird or anything. She texted me later on in the day saying she wanted to talk more in person and explain where she’s coming from.
We decided to meet up and go ice skating on New Year’s Eve. Something we’re both extremely into as we both grew up playing hockey. We had a fuckin blast together just skating and talking about random shit. We got off the ice and I brought up our conversation from the night before. She went on to say that she’s not emotionally over her ex and is extremely cautious with who she shows her heart too. I knew this already but was confused why she was giving me signs still. She has plans to move to North Carolina and said that if I’m not in the same town as her that this will never work. She just finished her PT program and will be starting her first job in her career. I did let her know that I’m still really into her and would be willing to make sacrifices to see each other. She said that I’d be more than welcome to come visit but again, didn’t show any interest in trying to make a relationship work.
Ill be in her area for the next week before leaving back to San Diego. Should I try to make another move, or just call it quits? ’m really into this girl. Which is weeeeeird for me to say as I don’t like most chicks. I know this sounds crazy, but I’d seriously be willing to move to NC to make this work. I could see myself getting really close to her.
Do I give her time to heal? Should I wait 3 months for her to move and then visit her after some time has passed? I want her to know that I’m willing to put the effort into making a future with her.
Or is this the complete wrong way off going at this? Should I just back off? The last thing I want is to come off as desperate, or just another guy that’s into her.
It just sucks. I guess dating is really a timing thing huh?
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for making it through this if yah did.
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