It’s been months.... DO you think it’s time to finally address what COULD actually be in the cards for us before it’s too late?

Let me drop some context first, and I’m on mobile.

Early last Fall-ish amidst Coronavirageddon I’m just up late one night doing what I do, and I end up meeting someone who literally clutched my attention quickly AND unexpectedly.

If I were to describe the feeling I would say it was probably something like getting hit in the face by a random fly ball while standing in the middle of a batting cage.

Since I’ve never actually been HIT in the face by a random fly ball while standing in the middle of a batting cage I can only assume, so I guess I’m kinda reaching... either way just hear me out because I am doing my best here, and we need to focus on the real issues.

Okay so things were easy, and we started chillin sorta often via screens, aluminum cans, walkie talkies, and m/kb. Some time passes, we kick it a bit more, and then one day out of the blue during a late night convo I get this anxious butterfly feeling thing that happens, and then I’m like “oh shit” because I realize I am not prepared for the “mindfucking” that is ahead of me.

I end up sliding way into MIA for a few days thinking I would be able to decipher my morse code ass fucking feelings, and I fail miserably. I get the bright idea that I want to bring up how I feel.

Now, let’s Fast Forward through a baby feelings dump that was completely dumb on my part because I wasn’t looking for a relationship at the time anyway.

It’s important to note that I’m not really going to be able to explain why I felt “burning the place to the ground” (an “us”, or our friendship) at that time was even worth it, BUT “no Risk, no Reward”, right?

Well, I end up saying the things I feel I need to say, and yadda yadda bing boom... we end up staying friends.

However, As expected, a few shifts in our dynamic proceed to take place over the next couple of months.

Hot and Cold across the board, although we both played our parts. I continue to initiate 100% of our interactions, initiate about 90% of our convos, and only 50% of the time they engaged or accepted. We ended up talking about it, and we moved past it, and things have been great since.

At this point... it’s been months, and I love our friendship, but I also feel like what I would or could possibly want or be down for Maybe has now changed.

Problem is, I don’t know how they really feel, or how they would respond if actually gathered the courage to bring it up. I am unsure as to WHAT they could even want at this point, if anything AT all.

I just don’t know what to do.

I am terrified to do something that could potentially cause our dynamic to shift again.

At the same time, I want to close my eyes during a call, and with their permission, selfishly explore my body to the sound of their voice, and blow their fucking mind with the thoughts that cross my own.

Problem is, I have no idea if they even want that.

I believe in building on a friendship, but I also feel like we aren’t really just “friends” because we have vibes that could suggest otherwise from time to time. I love the comfort that we share where I feel we can literally talk about anything, but I don’t know if they want more because I would totally break the silence and get this on for us.

I’m just at the point where if it’s something we want, the chance is right in front of us.

I’m am not looking for complicated... neither one of us are. I love how I feel when we spend time together. I want to bring all of this up, but I don’t know if I should, and if so, I don’t know how to.

I often lock up because I begin to overthink all of the things I WANT to say. I begin to think about all of the things I would love to experience together, USING distance to our Advantage. I want to build an emotional connection that would foster the level of intimacy I would love to share, and from there see what could happen.

Help.

xo

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