How can I (18f) be less jealous and clingy of my ex (20m), when we are trying to rebuild a romantic relationship?
My (18f) ex (20m) and I broke up about a month ago because I was not happy in the relationship/did not feel loved, due to his distance and the lack of healthy communication between us, and I also struggled to envision a future with him due to his apathy about his future. It was starting to take a negative toll on my mental health so I painfully had to end things. Recently, we were discussing the possibility of trying again, because we both do love one another a lot, and so far things between us have been going okay and we've been more open and honest.
He is/was my first relationship, and I really do want to try again with him, but I am afraid my jealousy and somewhat clingy behavior will destroy the relationship. Right now, we're in a bit of a murky spot where we are a step below being officially back together, but are back to treating one another in a more coupley-way despite being being LDR.
He recently befriended a girl (19f) who he has been spending 1v1 time with, playing cod and such. She also bought him a $60 game after about a week of knowing him. Today, he let me know he was planning on watching Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind with her, because she's been wanting to watch a movie with him. Because the movie is a somewhat romantic one, the idea of them watching it 1v1 made me self-conscience since this guy and I are trying to rebuild our romantic relationship right now. I know that he loves me, and I love him, but I am unsure how to overcome the anxiety things like this cause me. I have PTSD from some adverse things I experienced in my childhood, and although I do not want to use it to excuse my behavior, it has caused me to deal with some trust and abandonment issues. How can I overcome this and trust him to regulate friendships and interactions with individuals I view as potentially threatening my chances of rebuilding a future with him?
I really do not want to feel jealous, because the jealousy makes me feel extremely depressed/suicidal and overall unwanted. Earlier today, I communicated how him watching the movie with her made me feel, and he asked if there was anything he could do to help/if I wanted, he didn't have to watch the movie with her, but I said it was okay because it didn't seem fair for me to dictate who he can and can't hangout with, even if it is watching more "romantic" movies.
Please, I really just need some advice on how to overcome these issues, cause I know they will prevent me from being a good partner or us having a healthy relationship should we try and officially get back together. I am in college, and 10/20 I have an appointment scheduled for a program that I was referred to by someone at the counseling services they have here, but that is more for my mental health than relationship issues. I think one issue is I havent yet found a friend group down here, so it is difficult for me to give him space because it feels like he is all I have. I know this is a separate issue, and a partner can never be the only one you have cause it is not healthy.
I want to become a more patient and trusting partner, because that is what this man deserves. I've come to realize I've been too harsh on him during the entirety of our relationship, expecting him to accomplish too much at once (he grew up in poverty and due to circumstances he cant control does not have his GED or a job right now, but is back to applying to places. I was too harsh with him about where he is at in life right now, and was expecting him to be doing too much when right now he does not have basic necessities like food). I am thankful he loves me enough and trusts me enough to want to give us a second chance, but I really do not want to mess things up this time around.
TLDR; how can I be less jealous of my ex and who he hangs out with, when we are trying to rebuild our romantic relationship/maybe start dating again?
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