Over the last few months I've gotten pretty close with someone. I've kept it platonic, but there's been times when it feels there could be mutual romantic feelings, but I've been careful to not cross the threshhold, because I've come to realize that she has some of the same toxic qualities my ex had and I don't think we would be compatible in the end. Those qualities don't keep me from being friends, but I feel that it would go similarly to how things went with my ex- which was a whirlwind relationship that started out amazing and flamed out in a pretty awful way. I didn't notice these things with my ex, but I notice them in this new girl which a lot of came from a ton of therapy sessions I had post breakup.
So I've made a conscious decision to not pursue her romantically....but I'm still grappling with why I'm so attracted to her in the first place? I definitely have a crush, I'd be in a denial to say I didn't, and I'm still super drawn to her. And I'm trying to make the connection as to why my feelings and my logical brain are so out of sync.
But I've witnessed this in other people too. I have one friend, a single girl, she broke up with her ex who was a very toxic person and a very bad partner. But I keep seeing her attracted to men that have some of the same toxic qualities as her ex. I've seen it in others too. I don't know how many bad relationships I've seen where one of the two knows about something toxic in the relationship but then keeps getting drawn back in
It could play into self worth a lot, but on a personal level I value myself way more than I did a few years ago partly thanks to therapy and good friends, and because of that I know logically I will not date this person. But that's just not in sync with my attraction and feelings. I can definitely overcome it, but I just don't understand what puts them out of sync.
tl;dr- Why do people tend to be attracted to the same toxic qualities even when they logically know it's bad and won't go for it?
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