Dates are going well, but communication in between feels off, am I overthinking it? - ATX News Paper

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Sunday, May 30, 2021

Dates are going well, but communication in between feels off, am I overthinking it?

29M. I matched with a girl (29F) on Tinder about a month ago. Our texting has been very sporadic, as it usually takes her anywhere from hours to days to respond. When we first matched we spoke for a few days and then I didn't hear from her for a week. I figured I was ghosted and that was that, and then she finally responded and asked to exchange numbers. So, we've moved to texting since then. We haven't ever had a lengthy conversation over text. She has apologized a few times (unprompted by me, I'm not making a big deal out of it) and says she is a bad texter. My gut feels this is kinda BS, but I also realize people have lives and are busy and some people simply don't prioritize or enjoy texting.

What's throwing me off is how intermittent and flat the texting feels vs how positive and enjoyable our dates have felt. We've gone on two dates so far and they've both went well. I've picked up on things that all seem like good signs. She was talking about going on a second date in the middle of our first. She brought up details of our first date on our second, and we briefly talked about going on a third. There hasn't been any crazy awkwardness outside the norm of getting to know someone. She made it a point to stand close to me at times, and at the end of our second date I asked her if I should walk her to her car, she accepted, and we kissed.

That was Thursday. I went back on Tinder on Friday because I wanted to check something from our earlier messages, and noticed she had updated her profile since last I looked. This bummed me out a little, but I also realize this is pretty normal with online dating. I messaged her to strike up conversation and didn't hear back until late that night. On Saturday I tried to set up something over the long weekend, and she said she had plans. I left it at possibly trying to figure something out this week. Her answers have been short and not offering alternatives, but that isn't necessarily anything new. That said, I can't help but find it odd that there hasn't been more of a spark to our conversation after the second date.

Right now my mentality is that this is all still very early, it's only been two dates over a month of talking, and I'm trying to keep my head on straight. I think part of my problem is that I tend to be more old school and a romantic, I focus on one person at a time and ultimately want a long term relationship. I'm leaving the ball in her court for a few days to see if she takes the initiative. If I don't hear from her by mid-week, I'm going to reach out and do the same. If she accepts then I guess I can chalk it up to more overthinking on my part, and we just have different texting habits. If she declines and doesn't offer any alternatives, then I guess I that's my answer.

I'm not exactly sure what kind of advice I'm looking for and I don't have a specific question about my situation. I think I'm mostly just curious to get other people's take based on their experience.

submitted by /u/TheOtherEar
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