Okay so I’m with this girl and honestly she’s made me feel like no other, little shit and makes me feel like I’m actually worthwhile. My past relationship didn’t and because of that I was hesitant and single for three years until I found the love I have right now, we’ll long story short we hit a curve, and it kinda feels like a big one. Shes one of those who pushes me to get better and improve on myself, including my everyday life. I fuck with it I really do I’m not used to it and all my life I been criticized or look down upon so sometimes I don’t know who to react. Well about a week ago we had a huge argument and it lead to her coming to my house late at night and I never seen her that furious before. I feel like I’m bipolar but I always have the best intentions at heart not just for her but for everyone around me. She just recently had a reconcile with a best friend of hers (girl) who I feel like even since they started talking again things have been worse. When I brought it up she asked if I was jealous of her best friend to which I replied No, I just, I feel like sometimes she isn’t happy with me. She lets me know that if she’s unhappy in the relationship then she wouldn’t be with me. And I know it’s true. But now fast forward to almost a week and I haven’t heard from her. I send her a big MESSAGE kind of just to remind her like look fuck all this shit that’s been happening lately I love you a lot. “I know you’re at work but I really just thought you would wanna hear this so here goes nothing. I know a lot of times I come at you with ideas and I’m going to stop that because, I know you’re the type that prefers actions and movement and I’m not doing it for you, I’m doing it because that’s how I need to start operating and moving. I greatly appreciated the time last night. When we got off I still felt some type of way but it’s a very confusing situation sometimes because Lately I know I haven’t done the best as far as contributing to your mental health and just how you feel, and I’m so sorry for that. Sometimes I’m scared of me contributing towards that even more and putting you in an even darker place. When I was unemployed couple of weeks ago I let life get the best of me, I was needy, I was depressed and I instantly put all of my FRUSTRATIONS onto your shoulders and that wasn’t fair of me. A lot of things I’m getting used too but I know at the end of the day it starts with me. From here on out, no more arguments. No more me blocking you. No more...I’m tired of all this petty shit between us and why it happening is because of how I operate and I’m here to tell you it won’t. I’ll no longer assume things and I know you’ll give me the same courtesy. Instead of leaving me you have been helping me build myself up and you honestly don’t get enough credit. I hope you don’t look at this and think it’s random, it’s just a daily reminder of how much and how greatly appreciative I am of all the constant shit you do for me. You’re the greatest Aliyah, and one day I’m going to make you proud. I hope that day is soon. I hope this makes you smile, and I hope you have an amazing day again. “
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