So I met this girl at the beginning of the year. We hit it off right away and I fell madly in love with her within a couple of weeks. However, I eventually found out that she didn’t like me as much as I liked her. To make a long story short, I got my heart broken and we ended up as FWB because I couldn’t stay away. Three months later and I’m doing alright; we’re in a school group project together and meet up nearly every day. She’s even showing me affection in front of the other members of the group whenever we meet (handholding, hugging, etc...) Everything’s peachy and I’m thinking that she might be coming around. But like everything in my life something had to come along and fuck it up. A week ago our team went out for ice cream and ran into her ex. She immediately stopped showing me any affection and pretended like I wasn’t there. I had to leave soon after that and never got a chance to bring it up with her, hell, I don’t even know if I should try.
It hurt to be treated like that, like she’s ashamed to be seen with me, even though I know that I technically shouldn’t care. On paper it is a FWB arrangement, but in practice it sure isn’t. She’s giving me mixed signals and I‘m not sure what to do about it. I wish I could just detach and meet someone else. If you’d asked me a month ago I would’ve thought that I could. I had raised a wall between us so that I wouldn’t get hurt if history repeated itself. But somewhere under this last month I let my guard down.
I didn’t realise it myself until yesterday. I flirted with a couple of girls last night, but even in a drunken state I felt guilty about what I was doing but ended up doing nothing and left for home early. That night I dreamt of a similar scenario where I actually went through with it. Later in the dream I saw my FWB who had somehow found out about it. She told me that we were’t on a “break“ anymore and that what I was doing made her sad. My subconscious couldn’t have been clearer about my feelings.
So there’s where I’m at right now. I‘m not happy about our current arrangement (nor do I feel it’s fair for her to have that armour when she’s clearly violating the boundaries of the arrangement.) I don’t like being someone’s second choice nor not being allowed to expect anything from the other person. She’s relying on me for more than the arrangement calls for, yet I’m crazy when I expect the same in return... I don’t even know why I bother. Just getting into a relationship shouldn’t be this complicated, right?
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