This is a vulnerable topic for me but I’m at the point now where I’m almost about to give up on love and this is my last hope.
My whole life, love and relationships have been so hard for me. I had terrible parents who didn’t display proper love, and I was also bad at choosing a quality mate. Along with that, I seem to have a negative view towards love and monogamy when it comes to men which I emotionally vomit onto my partner when dating them which creates emotional turmoil.
I don’t believe men are biologically capable of monogamy, but women are. Men are so visual, always looking at something else, or better. Their sex drives are higher, and they are designed to seek youth and beauty and a variety of potential mates. Monogamy is a social construct. So knowing that I have a very hard time trusting my partners due to their gender and my sexist view (even though most of my views are backed up by science.) I know lots of men who are physically loyal to their wives but admitted to me that they have feelings for a co-worker or a friend and think about them non-stop and compare them to their wives and wish they were them while having sex. It freaks me out knowing that my partners could of been doing that and I wouldn’t of even known. Since our brains think fantasies are reality, isn’t that kind of considered to be mental cheating? Not only that, but I just recently learned that every seven years our species is genetically coded to seek a new partner to be with. Science is against monogamy. I want a man to love and be sexually attracted to only me, but it seems impossible to obtain. (Thinking someone is hot and being sexually attracted to them are two separate things.) also, the divorce rates are rising and more and more people are reporting infidelity.
So from this logic, I realized my messed up views were a big part of why my relationships ended. So I wanted to work on myself. I saw multiple therapist, at least 5. And none of them, I mean NONE of them could help me. One of them even told me that I am dangerously smart and she doesn’t believe she can help me.
I’ve read a ton of books about attachment styles, being raised by emotionally unintelligent parents, insecure love, you name it.
I’ve asked almost anyone who will listen about their relationships and their view on the matter.
Nobody has an answer for me. Nobody knows how to help me cope with what I cannot control.
So Reddit users, am I doomed? Do I give up and spend my lifetime alone? Is there a solution to my unfortunate, sexist views (sorry men, I do love you and think you’re valuable to this planet).
Please help me, this is the last time I will try to better myself so I can’t achieve finding a life time partner.
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