I (24M) met this girl (23F) through Tinder, and we talked for a while over Snap before meeting up. Went on a date, spent the day together, and wound up flirting pretty hard by the end. We both pushed the date out further, just finding more stuff to do. Our personalities played off each other really well, and I felt like I could act like myself around her. As far as I could tell, she was really into it.
Second date went great, too. There was some sappy, cutesy stuff in between. I made a playlist for her. Just wanted to share music I thought she’d be into, but apparently it meant a lot to her. So she made one for me, too, and I thought that was really sweet.
Pretty much every date after went something like this: meet up in the afternoon, talk about and do whatever until it’s really late, cuddle, and fool around. First two times having sex weren’t great because I was on some medication that fucked with my libido, but I told her, got on something else per my doctor, and it wasn’t an issue anymore. She seemed annoyed with it the second time it happened, and I basically gave her an out because I felt embarrassed. But she kept talking to me, so I asked her out again. It wasn’t an issue after I got off the meds.
This whole fling went on for about a month. Maybe seven dates or something. Some casual, some more formal.
At some point, I started hearing way less from her, and she started giving me the driest, curtest conversation imaginable. She’d do that for a few days before going back to talking to me like she had before. I just shrugged it off because she still said yes to dates, and even set up some herself. But I definitely noticed a kind of shift.
The last time we hung out, we studied for finals together, rode around, talked, that kind of thing. Made out in her car. Etc. The next day she sent me some memes, and she said we should go on this day trip together. Definitely. Talked on and off for the rest of the week because we were both crazy busy with school.
When I was up late working on my last final, she tried to booty call me. Told her I couldn’t come over, but we FaceTimed a bit. She made this face when I said I’d show her some cool stuff on the trip (which she had literally just referenced) and the call just sort of ... ended after that. It was weird.
...and then I didn’t hear anything, got left on read, all over again. And I was so sick of the constant on-off signals that after a day or two I outright told her I liked her a lot but wanted to know where she was trying to go with this. She told me that she hadn’t been sure if she wanted a relationship or how she felt about me, but had kept saying yes to dates to give it a shot. Still wasn’t exactly sure but really liked spending time together. If the indecisiveness was too much for me, she’d completely understand. So I kind of figured it was a soft rejection, but came back and said that it was okay if she just wanted to hang out and ride the wave wherever it went; there didn’t have to be any expectations tagged onto it. I just wanted to know what the deal was. Still on for the trip?
And then she said nothing to me for two days while posting on her Snapchat story, and I finally lost my patience with it and removed her off of there and other social media. Figured I’d been ghosted. She sent me some cordial but to the point text shortly after saying she had a lot of fun while it lasted, but didn’t want to keep hanging out because it might confuse feelings. I was nice about it and told her I had fun.
The whole thing has thrown me for a loop, regardless of her. I’d purposely avoided dating for, like, two years. I don’t understand how someone can invite me over to their place on the second date, cuddle up with me, practically beg for sex, act so sweet, and then go cold mere days later—when nothing has changed. Or how they could booty call me, mention us taking a trip to a major city together, and then cringe when I talk about the exact same thing mere seconds later.
Obviously it’s over, and it’s clear we weren’t lined up in a lot of ways. I don’t want to talk to someone who goes between being all over me and acting like I’m a nuisance. But this has fucked with my head, and I’m just wondering what lesson I should take from it, if there even is one. A friend of mine told me that I shouldn’t have sent her the text asking what the deal was, that it was only a month in, and that it probably weirded her out. But it weirded me out to get bootycalled and then immediately blown off. Or to be flirted with only for her to vanish. I just don’t know what to make of it for future reference.
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